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I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind. Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.
All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh, but it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme. Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with. Want to hear a joke about construction? Sorry, I'm still working on it.
Why do abcdefghijklmopqrstuvwxy & z hate hanging out with the letter n? Because n always has to be the center of attention. Did you hear about the sensitive burglar? He takes things personally.
Q: Did you hear the one about the statistician?
The time traveler was still hungry after his last bite, so he went back four seconds. I hate insects puns, they really bug me.
How do you tell if a vampire is sick? He is always coffin. I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!
Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!' I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink. I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans! Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted. How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere. Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it's tearable.
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged. What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse! I try wearing tight jeans, but I can never pull it off.
Note: How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!